well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
