Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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