Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
