may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize