Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
These tits shall not be calmed
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
