Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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