don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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