If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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