Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
