Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize