That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
