I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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