new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
