I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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