I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
