In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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