this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
