So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my poor anus
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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