i think my tv is drunk
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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