i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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