I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
