I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
