what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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