Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
