I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
