So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think a kid would responsible me up
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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