I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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