its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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