My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
please come you make the beer taste better
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
