Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
