He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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