We won't sleep together?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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