Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you never un-have a 4some
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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