A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
