does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
