thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
