I met the friendliest cop last night
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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