If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
