that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
