I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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