wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
