Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
