I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
