Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
