New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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