Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
