Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
