as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
