I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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