Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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