Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
