Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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