Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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