How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
