I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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