I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
