come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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