just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
