Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
