Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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