I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize