Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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