Where is the hickey?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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