Don't make out with my wife yet
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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