YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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