If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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