When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
