Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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