i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
