He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
