loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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