I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
