i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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