Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
