She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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