My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
