Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
