i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
