Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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