fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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