dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
